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There's nowt so queer as folk!

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Vixie
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« on: 02 November, 2009, 23:06 »

'There's nowt so queer as folk' is a quaint North of England expression meaning 'there's nothing as odd as people'.  So true!

These questions were posted on an Australian Tourism website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ...
Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
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Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
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Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France )

A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
« Last Edit: 02 November, 2009, 23:12 by Vixie » Report Spam   Logged

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Souly
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« Reply #1 on: 03 November, 2009, 01:16 »

Hmmmm  Lol  Some of those look very, ummm....orchestrated...or just plain dumb! And believe me, I know some people in the world can be very thick...some think Nzers live in grass huts and wear grass skirts. I mean! Lordy...don't they know we carpet the huts now? And that we have access to underwear?

However, the one about the snakes is funny, cos of the 10 most deadly snakes in the world, 5 are native to Australia!!! What's worse is that 4 of the top 5 are!

1) Fierce Snake or Inland Taipan (Oxyuranus microlepidotus ), Australia.
2) Australian Brown Snake (Pseudonaja textilis ), Australia.
3) Malayan or Blue Krait (Bungarus candidus ), Southeast Asia and Indonesia
4) Taipan (Oxyuranus scutellatus ), Australia
5) Tiger Snake (Notechis scutatus ), Australia
6) Beaked Sea Snake (Enhydrina schistosa ) the Arabian Sea and Persian Gulf
7) Saw Scaled Viper (Echis carinatus ), Middle East Asia
8 ) Coral Snake (Micrurus fulvius ), North America
9) Boomslang (Dispholidus typus ), Africa
10) Death Adder (Acanthopis antarcticus ), Australia and New Guinea


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smiliekiwi
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« Reply #2 on: 03 November, 2009, 13:10 »

I've been watching this grow in my neighbours window for a while now.  (must admit did take me a minute to figure out what it was at first)  I am wondering what will happen next.  Any guesses?   Hint:  it is a father and two teenage sons that live there...

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DingBat
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« Reply #3 on: 03 November, 2009, 19:28 »


Hahaha!  Are they dead bog roll inner bits?!!  Next thing you know, they'll self-ignite when one of them farts too much!!!  I hope neither of them smoke in the loo!!!! Nosepicker Rolling on floor laughing


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Princess Eithel
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« Reply #4 on: 03 November, 2009, 22:18 »

erm....What is a dead bog roll inner-bit?  Confused
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DingBat
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« Reply #5 on: 03 November, 2009, 23:05 »


Lol Sorry, Eithel!  It's the cardboard tube which toilet paper is wrapped around. Wink


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Souly
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« Reply #6 on: 04 November, 2009, 02:42 »

erm....What is a dead bog roll inner-bit?  Confused
Giggle Rolling on floor laughing
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Vixie
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« Reply #7 on: 04 November, 2009, 10:33 »

 Lol
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Princess Eithel
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« Reply #8 on: 04 November, 2009, 14:58 »


Lol Sorry, Eithel!  It's the cardboard tube which toilet paper is wrapped around. Wink


Ahh, thanks for clearing that up.  Tongue
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